Facing it #sol20

Facing it… or not #sol20

November 17, 2020

I don’t think you know what made me turn off my camera and take … a long moment in our meeting. You were thinking about something else and probably had gone on with your train of thought as your words leveled me. I didn’t hear those words, only the ones that echoed through me and the empty space I sat in alone.

Those words you don’t really remember and perhaps the others didn’t really hear were these. You are probably going to do what you want to. You always do… It doesn’t seem like that should even take a slice out of someone like me. Someone like me…

Do I always do what I want to? Why did that seem so egregious? I mean I am a coach, right? I look at a situation, I evaluate the options, I make suggestions, I offer assistance, and I move on. But do I just ALWAYS do whatever it is that I want to do.

I truly hope not. I hope what I do is think about what will be helpful. Consider what will move us forward as educators, as a team, as a learning community. Think deeply about the teachers I know and what they need now.

Sometimes what I really want to do is nothing. I don’t really want to go to endless meetings where nothing gets accomplished. I don’t want to endlessly argue points of view we aren’t going to change. I don’t want to defend my position on what seems like every single thing we do or I do. Sometimes… I don’t want to do anything.

I want to stay all day in my yoga pants and netflix. I want to teach myself a new knitting pattern or watercolor painting. What I don’t want to do is aligned the standards in a document that NO ONE is going to read. However, aligning standards in a document that perhaps I can convince someone to reference is my job. Going to meetings and contributing regardless of the support I receive is my job. Knowing how to teach elementary literacy and convincing others to do the same… that most definitely is my job.

So when you tell me that I always, always do whatever I want, I know it means that you don’t really know me. I know it means that I’m out here on my own. I know it means that I’m not going to get to quit defending my thoughts, my knowledge, my opinion any time soon.

I want to say that that is ok with me. You can think and that and clearly say it and I’m going to just move on like it never happened. I will move on… but it happened. I will be like Frances in that story about the friendship… careful.

7 thoughts on “Facing it #sol20

  1. Okay, this is tough, and I’m not really sure how to respond since I only know you through this writing community. I never worked w/ a coach in my district, so I don’t have that experience, but I do know advice can resonate as directives rather than options, and I know those in education offering advice almost always do so from the right place, one of love, and concern. Years ago a mentor, a fellow debate coach, told me, “What you have to do, Glenda, is figure out what you want someone to do and then how to get them to do it.” As a teacher I often asked students permission to share advice. When you’re feeling less wounded you may want to explore why someone perceives you as “always doing what you want to do.” Of course, it may not matter. Sending hope this situation will come to an amicable resolution, one that offers catharsis. Peace.

  2. I am sending you great hugs! Words can hurt, they can wound. I am so sorry that this happened to you, my friend. I do know you through your stories and writing and I know you care about others and that is the root all your coaching. Tomorrow is a new day…hold on to hope!

  3. Tomorrow IS today! 🙂 I didn’t comment yesterday because that hurt can be raw when we put it to words. My hope for you, that you took your blog, some time to reflect, and came out more determined than before to do the right thing for kids. In the end, that truly is what matters in our profession. You have a passion and love for education that needs no explanation on your part. Do what you do best if toes get stepped on, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. 😉

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